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I was a school one day and I had to wear these tight cargo pants and I got a stiffy and everyone saw it. It hurt bad and it would'nt go away. So the rest of the week I was called permenent wood or P.W.

once when me and my friend adam were little, we were playing by the highway. We thought it would be funny if we put bullets under these big rocks and see what happened when the semi's ran over them. well it worked!! this one semi drove over them and the bullet went off. it was the best. the driver lost control and was swerving everywhere. all over the road. we thought we were ssooo cool. so we told adam's older bro jason. jason went and told his parents. we were grounded for a month. that sucked

"Bust a Nut"
Ok, one day i was skating and i was doing this handrail by my house with a few other skater friends and we were fucking around and shit and i wasnt really concentrating at all on skating and i went up to do a 5-0 and i smashed my balls really fucking bad. I had nutted myself before, but this time i really fucked shit up. I dropped my pants right there and my right nut had swollen up to twice its normal size (thats pretty fucking big). So I freaked out and my friends were all laughing at my deformed nut. I sat down for a while and some of the swelling went down but it was still really fucked. My friend Billy drove me to the hospital an hour later. The doctor had my nuts x-rayed. I dont know why, but he did. Then, the most painful thing that has ever happened: the doctor pulls out a syringe and needle and says that he has to drain the excess fluid from my nut. I was fucking scared. He stuck the needle in to my nut and i passed out. I woke up and i was in the most pain i had ever been in. It felt like someone just ripped open my nads. Fuck that hurt. Then, I went home and threw up the rest of the night. The end. I hope you all enjoyed my story. I sure as fuck did.

About 3 months ago when I woke up on a Monday a couple friends of mine decided we were gonna drink it up. So we had many Bloody Mary's (my favorite morning drink) and I was pretty buzzed. Then my agent called and said, "hey I just got a last minute call, they want you to come down and audition for a Surge(that crappy new cola from Coke) commercial." I was like nows not a really good time, how about tomorrow? He said nope today is the last day. So by now I'm loaded and have to be over there in an hour. Luckily it was only down the street here in Hollywood, so I skated, or tried to. I was thankful that it was mostly downhill so I could concentrate on not hitting any parked cars. Well anyway when I got there the audition involved me jumping around trying to get this lame as can of Surge. They liked it so much they had me do it again. Then trying new crap and doing it again. They thought I was really all out for this Surge shit but I was just hammered. So anyway they had me do it one to many times and I hurled all over the floor. Well its really phunny now but at the time it sucked. I didn't get the commercial, go figure, I guess hurling doesn't portray Surge in that positive of a way.


Alright, playaz. I hope you're ready for this one. Back in '76 when I was still a shotry, I was just kickin it on the side of the street back home in Oregon. I saw this guy roll by in a big-ass Caddy and realized that that would be me someday. I knew I would be flossin like that in the future, so I waved his ass down. I said, "Hey, big balla, what's the secret to gettin your swerve on?" He replied, "Just jump in and I'll tell you, but keep your dirty-ass from fuckin up my two-tone leather." He took me down to the playaz club and he was on the guest list. I could tell this guy was a true shot-calla just by the way he walked. I felt pretty important myself, my nuts swingin in my BVDs. Hell, I was ready to follow playboy up to tha bar and grab a hurricane or boilermaker or something. Remember, I was only a shorty, so my alcohol-consumption skills were poorly honed. The playa in his big hat turned his head and looked right in my eyes, "You look like you could be a playboy yourself. Just keep that schoolyard pimpin' goin' on that I can tell you're so fond of, and watch out for tha playa-hataz. Them PHs ain't nuthin' nice. If you ain't PH balanced, you ain't nay-thang, balla." He then bought me a gin and tonic double which I promptly downed. I got hella perved of the liquor, and to this day I'm still on tilt. Ever since that beautiful June evening, when I met the balla of the town, I've been practicing my flossin' skills. Now that they're fully developed, (like my nutz) I hoo-ride on the boulevard steadly. My schoolyard pimpin' developed into a full-size empire, but I soon realized, I had to disconnect that venture. I didn't need some dumb hoez I grew up with to pay my bills. My flossin skills are more than ample to put liquor in my liver and gas in my Buick. I must add that it ain't all about slammin' Continental doors and exploiting your hoes. I guess I just say that because not many people have the capacity to floss like I (and my mentor) do, so I'm just trying not to make you feel bad. Andrew

This is a story. If it's true or not, you will never know. One day I was skating into the city ( Melbourne Australia) and I was getting a bit tired, it was a hot day and I had to stop and have a drink and a rest. I was sitting, enjoying my sit down when an old man came and sat next to me. He looked like a freak amd his mouth hung open like a huge cave. His breath smelt of cheap whiskey and his eyes were red. I turned my attention elsewhere to find a lovely young lady walking in our direction. "ffwoar!",( an Australian way of expressing awe at a female) exclaimed the wino. The babe walked into the shop and bought a pack of cigarettes. Fuck this I thought, I'm going skating. Just as I was about to get up and roll away, the wino grabbed my arm. " You see that girly walk in there?" "Yes" I said not really wanting to make friends with the old bastard. " I can get her to drool all over you sit on your lap all day and night!" This was starting to get really fucked so I yanked my arm away and started to skate off. I'd got about 5 metres when suddenly I fell off my board and landed flat on my arse. " SHIT!!!." I looked back to see the wino, his eyes glowing red, his mouth was frothing. He looked really pissed off. "Come back here boy, or I'll kill ya." It was here that I realised that somehow, the wino had pulled me off the board. I was freaking out. In this time the babe had walked past and seen me fall on my butt and she laughed at me. "What the fuck is your problem?" I enquired of the old fart. " I said that I could get that girly into your pants and you didn't listen. What are you, a faggot or something boy?". " No I just don't like talking to old never-has-beens. " He slapped me across the face and sat me down. " Right I'm going to forget that you said that and show you that I"m not an old never-has-been. Years ago I lived in New Guinea for ten years. In my time there I learnt a few things, magic things. In short I want to help you boy, you look like the type that can't get a girl without a little help and I can help you. " Gee thamks old man but I gotta get going." "SIT DOWN!" Fuck this guy was satan or something, he was scary so I sat down. " Watch this boy." Watch what I was thinking. Suddenly, the babe reappeared she was sort of staring at nothing and she was walking pretty fast. She got to the old man a and stopped abruptly. " Yes master, what do you require?" The old man whispered something in her ear and she looked at me . I was getting a little excited and was believing that this babe was going to be all over me any second now. She walked over to me and put her hand down my shorts and I passed out When I woke I felt really good, sort of like I had just shelveticalept for 7 days or something. I didn't know where I was and I didn't really care, I still had my board so I jumped on and rolled away. I finally found my way to the city and I had a skate and went home. When I got home I still felt really good but I needed a shower. In the bathroom after I had taken all my clothes off and looked down, I saw her The babe was attached to my willy. She was a smaller version of course but she was there. I was in shock " What the Fuck is this?" I exclaimed. And then a bigger suprise, " I'm here for you 24 hours a day, all you have to do is get a hard on and I'll grow to full size and fulfill all your needs. Well naturally this gave me a stiffy and sure enough there she was in full colour and size. Now please don't be offended by the sexist nature of this story, for it is just the way things happen and I would trade places with the babe anytime and be down her pants all day long until she was ready for my presence. And for those who doubt the integrity of my story, doubt away because I don't care, this is the internet and you'll never find me. thank you for listening to me and sharing my story. Keep on skating and watch for old satan looking winos cos they are worth more than a kick in the balls, they're worth a chick in the balls haha. NICK.

When i was six i used to sit by the road and watch logging trucks go by. We used to make them honk. And the neighbors would get all pissed. It was fun and we didn't have much esle to do anyway.

Once when I lived in northern arizona
we had a stage coach tour that used to go by our house. My dad had built us a fort and we used to dress up like cowboy's and indians and put on a show for the tourists. One day my brother was playing the indian and he took his bow and arrow and shot one rite at the driver of the coach. The driver freeked out and we all thought it was real funny until my dad came home....

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